Is sex only for the well to do?

It’s been a while since a political /social studies rant. Here we go, on random recent events (One, epic length post versus me getting worked up on a more regular basis. Kind of like a cork, under pressure, that finally pops, and then, peace and bubbly for all.  Understand that the “YOU” and “I” and “WE” is of the royal variety; I am not picking on any one person, but if the hat fits your head…)

Non-pro-choice  is a form of misogyny, to be sure. But what about these thoughts, as well?

HETROSEXUAL relations are the cause of ALL Abortion, bar NONE (well, ok, add IVF as a cause of pregnancy, but most people are planning that occurrence).  That’s right, boys. You put your pecker where babies happen, and viola, pregnancy. No gay couple can pull that one off.

What is the rate of married women having abortion? What is the rate of single but oh, say over 25 year-old women? Over 40 years old, married or unmarried? What is the racial and financial breakdown of this collection of women? How many children do they already have? What is the rate of abortion because of incompatibility with life? What about finding out that the fetus you carry is dramatically deformed? What about the idea that the legally allowed birth control DID fail or that the couple in question might be human and made a mistake and had unprotected sex? Or, as the old saying goes, “You do know what they call people who practice Natural Family Planning, right? (Parents)”  What about incest and rape victims?Although men some in government seem determined to continue redefining rape so that only battered, bloodied corpses will be considered rape victims and everyone else had a change of heart or is out to get the guy. (I am not about to go do the digging for these figures; someone can if they want.)

Some people don’t have the strength to handle what will be a very sick child. Some don’t have the medical coverage, thanks to our odd belief in this country that health care isn’t a human right, but something you have to be smart enough to earn. (Which by the way doesn’t mean you will KEEP your medical insurance, or that your very sick child won’t top out in a year on lifetime costs and you will still go bankrupt) Some people have a house full of children already here that HAVE to be cared for, and they know they will suffer the loss of parenting while you live for doctors visits and hospital stays for this terminally/chronically ill child. And who will care for them? And how many families can simply drop the income of one of the parents but still need the daycare? Add to that the number of people who know that, say, two children was the emotional and financial limit they could bear, and find themselves faced with the fourth pregnancy, healthy or otherwise.

When people start talking about abortion being used as birth control and that is why they abhor it—(because they don’t think women should be able to have sex and not worry about the consequences, those sluts)  why (I really want horns and blinking lights here) are we ignoring the male who got them pregnant? It takes two to tango. If the woman is having illicit sexual relations and should have to pay for it with pregnancy and childbirth, then what about the guy? (Or should we just go back to stoning the woman to death for unmarried sex? Would cut down on abortion) Wasn’t the sex he was having just as illicit?  Then why in the world are we not handing out free condoms on street corners, providing free and easy access to birth control pills AND making sure every child/teen/young adult/grown-up understands EXACTLY how it is that a baby is conceived? And what of the married women having abortions? What of the abused woman who is trying desperately to get out of that situation, yet finds herself pregnant? (Because, you know, being in an abusive relationship means forced sex, or tolerating it till you can find the strength to walk)

I hear the it’s a baby from the moment of conception. It’s not. It’s a  freeloader, a sponge out to suck the lifeblood from it’s host. If you are willing to be the host for the next 40 weeks, great. (Editing: someone whom I have no respect for carried on about how horrible I am because I call a fetus a freeloader. I was going to use the word Parasite, but I felt it too inflammatory, despite the first definition of the word being almost exactly correct, the only difference being that it is the same species

PARASITE__noun
1.
an organism that lives on or in an organism of another species, known as the host, from the body of which it obtains nutriment.

It can not survive outside the womb. The moment it arrives at around 40 weeks, all the ROL(Right-to-Lifers) are finished. Before birth, it was a BABY. Now, it’s just one more deadbeat taker, sucking on the teat of big government, it’s mother nothing more than a welfare queen out to game the system, and to hell with medical care, or Head Start, or day care, or living wages, or anything resembling the Christian faith that forced it into the dreary existence it must now survive. And there are too many actual, born children languishing in foster care, to say just let this new child be adopted.

You know what? Pregnancy isn’t like giving a pint of blood.  No matter how you ended up that way, everyone you see knows. And wants details, and wants to congratulate you. And you know what else? Pregnancy can cause you illness, up to and including death. It is a hugely physical experience that lasts for the better part of a year. How can a rape victim heal if her very body rebels against her and reminds her for three seasons of a year?

So, to summarize, ladies. You should think before you act, or keep your legs closed. (The man trying to get them open is totally blameless)  If you can’t afford contraception for whatever reason, you have no business having sex. If you are married, you still have no business having sex if you can’t afford a (another) child…so,wait. Hold up a sec. See the slope? Be careful, it’s slippery.  The only people who have any right to have sex are married couples who have the financial and emotional stability to support a new child every 11 months or so.  So. Explain to me how it is so many upper income, religious, or educated families have 1 or 2 children, max? Guessing the little lady has cut you off?

No? Oh, you can afford the health insurance that provides the birth control you don’t want to allow for those who can’t afford the children. (Because after all if you can’t afford health insurance, you shouldn’t have sex. And you can’t get low cost birth control without health insurance because you have tried to close all the women’s clinics.) Right. What of your religious convictions now?

Seriously, it wasn’t my intent to bring articles or charts, percentages or anything more than thoughts into this little bit of self-expression. However, I posted a meme on FB the other week, and got a response that, well. Yeah. Thankfully, no one else responded after the one, and I have removed it, because I really want this to be about what I am saying, yah know? But it went like this:

1069271_280433142101676_1230393775_n

One response to the meme was this—-

“thats a lot of assumed dots your connecting. If abortion were not so readily available (except when medically needful for the helath sake of the mom), some might pay closer attention to what is taught in sex-ed and use the condoms, or wait till marriage.”

I resisted the urge (quite strong) to continue this thread. Because the problem is THIS—

A state the size of Texas (over a quarter MILLION square miles –268,000+ square miles) –will have FIVE clinics after the government played it’s latest games. THAT doesn’t sound readily available.

A state like North Dakota could have theoretically reduced the ability to have an abortion performed to ONE DAY of the entire pregnancy! (Had their smaller-government games actually passed muster) –one clinic in the state–have to fly in an out of state Doc, who comes once a week, and abortion couldn’t be performed until a pregnancy test confirms (at about 5 weeks) and no abortion after six weeks…TOTALLY not readily available.

Another problem is that so many of the lawmakers out there are NOT for sex-ed! And are NOT willing to provide condoms. And not all people WILL wait for marriage, because it is not your morality or religion they follow, but theirs. So, again. Legal. Safe. Rare.

http://www.salon.com/2013/07/22/a_kid_is_not_a_luxury_item/

http://nation.time.com/2013/07/24/personhood-movement-continues-to-divide-pro-life-activists/?xid=rss-topstories&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+time%2Ftopstories+%28TIME%3A+Top+Stories%29&utm_content=Google+Feedfetcher

http://www.salon.com/2013/07/29/meet_five_of_the_most_extreme_anti_abortion_lawmakers_in_the_u_s/

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2013/07/22/judge-blocks-north-dakotas-restrictive-abortion-law/

(And yes, they are liberal sites. Can’t stand to read things like Faux News, sorry.)

Randomly moving on. I’m also tired of the relentless beating down about homosexual marriage, as if once allowed, all of us will be forcibly removed from our spouses side to marry someone of the same gender. Now, if  that was what was going on? Damned sure I’d be all over stopping it. I am rather attached to my husband. But short of that? What. Does. It. Do. To. You? HOW could it possibly affect you in a negative way? (Ok, competition for secular catering halls, booking the baker and the photographer, etc. might get a bit more challenging, but really??)

I can hardly even express how giddy I was that Wednesday as 10 AM approached. I was nervous, unable to focus, hitting my refresh button on the phone, holding my breath, anticipating, positive that the only way SCOTUS could rule was the way they did, but so fearful they wouldn’t anyway. The exhalation of breath was part of a communal relief around the country, I am sure.

If your faith causes you to believe that some people are less equal, that same sex marriage is wrong, then by all means follow your conscience and avoid marrying someone of the same sex.  But leave alone these other people. It is past time to accept that there is love in the world, and that love is good, and if more people love, the world is better.

No one is asking you to deny a portion of your being to satisfy a social construct.  If that is too hard to get, think about standing around the coffee maker at work and how you don’t think twice about mentioning you need to run by the store to pick up something for your wife on the way home. How when people ask casually what you are planning for the weekend, you say your husband and kids are heading to the lake. You aren’t rubbing your heterosexuality in someone’s face, simply sharing your life.

Would you expect to be fired for saying so? Passed over for promotion? Told you can’t live in this building? Beaten up? Dragged to your death? I watched my Facebook page, and I was gratified. I see that the majority of my friends (many of whom I have known in real life forever, and many who I have been connected to via mutual experience and habit to my great joy)– these people are of a similar belief—that the true religion is that of acceptance and love, not divisiveness and hate and fear of “other”.

I realized too, just how many of my Facebook (and real life)  friends are affected by the challenges of our world and how many of them have now had one burden lightened. Not removed, that will take the LOVE part of things to get stronger, the acceptance part to get stronger.  But so many of my friends will now find the world a better place.

I have found very few indeed, who are willing to post much that is outright hate, (on this topic at least) and for this too, I am gratified, because I know that surely, hate is floating around.  Point taken. Be assured, you are being ignored, blocked or unfriended. Love is not in your heart.

I have been married for 11 years. I am so enamored of this institution that I got to participate in simply because I loved someone that I can’t imagine holding it back from two other people who love each other the way I love my husband. That is what we were demanding that others not enjoy, simply based on the person with whom their heart has fallen in love.

When I married my spouse there was no agreement or understanding we would procreate if married. Indeed in the marriage vows, and in the marriage license, nowhere are children mentioned, inferred or implied. Nor did anyone say we couldn’t marry because there was no possibility of procreation.  We didn’t have to undergo medical testing to prove our ability to have children was intact. Our marriage wasn’t predicated on the idea we would raise children, or rear the children we already created as the results of failed formal and not so formal relationship, as they were adults. Yet no one person anywhere at any time suggested we not be allowed to avail ourselves of the myriad legal and societal opportunities provided us by that little civil paper from the County Clerks office. We call ourselves a family. Of Two. (Now, plus the cat and the adult child who came back)

But your faith — yes, I get it. Your God, blah blah.  You don’t KNOW, you believe. No one knows.  This country is not founded on any one religion. (Really, no matter how much you try to make it so, it’s just not. Even if the founders themselves were of a particular religious bent, they didn’t want the two mixed up.)  You did not need to approve of my marriage in order for me to marry. I didn’t need to approve of the person you chose to marry. (Goodness knows, if we all got to get involved in THAT particular circle of hell, there would be very little marriage at all.)

We hear these phrases every day. There but for the grace of God go I.  Walk a mile in my shoes. Live and let live. (How about Live and let Love?)

What is happening to YOUR marriage if more people can marry? What benefits are being taken from you if ANY other two people marry?

This is like the ultimate round in the have and have not,  ME-tality that seems to exist. I somehow ended up born in this country (but you can’t come here.)  I somehow found a company willing to provide medical insurance (but you can’t have any.) I somehow ended up on the correct side of a convoluted, gerrymandered redistricting line so my vote counts (but yours, not so much.) I somehow arm allowed make medical decisions for my spouse even over his family’s desires, (but you don’t get to do so.) Me me me.

And so the argument goes. As a country, we seem more concerned with sticking our noses into other peoples most private lives, lest someone get away with something. We don’t want big government, that is for sure. We want it small enough to set itself on the headboard of our beds. Rather than making sure there are jobs, rather than having our elected officials do their jobs and maybe get the interest rates straightened out for college students, or worry about the air we breath and the water we drink, we let them try to (repeatedly) repeal a law that provides medical care for (almost) all.  We allow Wall Street and big business to be the largest abusers of entitlement programs and tax abuse, while cutting a poor child’s school lunch. We are so concerned that some woman (who, I have to add, had heterosexual sex with a man) be punished because she is unwilling to continue with a pregnancy (and she knows her circumstances well enough to know she can’t afford another child) ….Or that two men want to live a quiet life of love together and not be ostracized.

If the bible is THE word of (your) God why on earth are there so many versions of it? That there are hundreds of English translations  and interpretations on bookstore shelves seems to indicate to me that it is not the word of God, but the words of many men. If the bible my great grandmother read is different by even one word from the one you read now, then how is the word of God?

And as for Paula Deen? Shame for defending her! If you say something, OWN it. To use as an excuse your generation for your poor behavior? I get other people say things, vile things. And they aren’t right either. But to defend one wrong because other people do worse? How does that make any sense.  If you say something stupid, as a non-celebrity, well, you are an ass. When you are a public figure, you should accept that as part of the the social contract you make with your fans; the trade off you make for all of the benefits you enjoy is that people hear and listen and react. Rappers aren’t little southern grandmas who are expected to be soft and friendly. What they say isn’t good, it isn’t nice, but it’s more or less contextual  (and not acceptable to me.)

No Child Left Behind  (told you it was a random list of rants) Today’s high school graduates pretty much made it through 12 years of NCLB. And I work with them, out in the real world. And holy crap, they have no ability to THINK. The questions they ask. The things that they can’t connect the dots on? The inability to infer, extrapolate? It’s more than laziness. It’s that they lack the ability to think creatively.

And by the by, this lapsed Catholic is thoroughly enjoying Pope Francis.

Can we at least all admit that  the law is sometimes wrong? Can you swear that your child would never be caught in a circumstance like Trayvon and that they might not run, which might cause someone to follow, which might mean you throw a punch which might mean you deserve to bleed to death in the rain because you don’t have the right to defend yourself from him with your fist, but someone else can defend himself from you with a gun?

Oh, and Of COURSE drivers licenses aren’t covered in the Constitution. We didn’t have cars back then.

http://youtu.be/4A6Bu96ALOw

I think I am done. Watch this clip, (which I can’t seem to embed prettily) and yeah.

So, back to photos next time, ok?

a POLITICAL post

It doesn’t happen often, because I just can’t. It becomes too much. But as of yesterday, the politicians in the state of Virginia have officially gone off the deep end.

Apparently the world as we know it– famine and jobs and environment and war and banking and the cost of oil— are all hunky dory and there is nothing to occupy these folks except that which goes on in the bedrooms of the residents of this state.

To wit, we are talking about the same people in government who wish to dismantle the EPA, the FDA, and DOE, who say it is a constitutional disaster to allow people access to healthcare unless they have cold hard cash, who are unsure that child labor laws are needed, or feel the minimum wage laws should be removed, who want to allow people to run around with guns in bars with little oversight or knowledge of their mental and criminal state, and remove all ability to oversee from any other agency they forget to defund, because TOO MUCH GOVERNMENT is BAD.BAD. BAD.

These same people are now making the case that people exist the moment that conception occurs. And they claim one of the reasons is so that someone can file suit over a wrongful death, if a woman was assaulted during pregnancy and miscarries.

How often does this occur that we need a law? And if it’s needed, make THAT the law. When a woman miscarries because of an assault of an other person….

The unintended consequences of this type of law are huge. 

If a woman is carrying groceries up the stairs while pregnant and falls, and is taken to the hospital and miscarries—a criminal investigation could ensue. Great use of taxpayer dollars, by the way.

What if she had uttered the thought out loud to someone that she really was upset about being pregnant again, couldn’t really figure out how to afford this new mouth to feed? What if she was estranged from the father? He could press charges against her for murder. You think NOT?? That is an unintended consequence of LAW.

If the doctor at the ER is required to inform the police when a law is broken (any gunshot, any sign of child abuse, etc…..)…then a woman could conceivably be investigated for manslaughter, while she should be mourning the loss of a child she wanted. Unintended consequence.

If a woman, under any circumstance, even before she realizes she is pregnant, miscarries—-…..what if some could someone prove she caused it, because she drank too much alcohol before realizing she was with child? Or because she was a smoker?

Do we really need to continue drawing pictures? Is she going to end up in jail? Her existing children placed with CPS while mom is investigated? That would be an awesome use of taxpayer money! (not to mention messing with the kids heads)

Looking around, there are very few families we see that have more than a few children nowadays. It’s expensive to raise a child. Sane, well-educated, but lower and middle income people realize they can afford only a few children at most. Upper income people on the whole don’t have more children than lower or middle income children. Should we infer that most married couples are celibate? That upper income couples rarely get it on?

If they are not celibate  what are the chances they have used contraception at some point? What are the chances YOU have used contraception?

If you no longer use it, is it because you have had a medical procedure to  prevent pregnancy? Before having had a permanent solution to unintended pregnancy performed, how many children did you bring into the world? How many times did you tell your spouse, “Not tonight dear, we could make  a baby?”

How many of your children are OOPSies? Because of lack of BC or because of failed BC? How many of YOU are OOPSies? How many siblings do you have? How many siblings did your PARENTS have? (And of course, we are glad to have you here. I am an OOPSie. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and all that.)

What was the age of your grandmother at her last pregnancy? What NUMBER was that pregnancy? My great grandmother’s 7th child was born was 21 YEARS after her first.

Are you prepared to raise THAT MANY children, for that many years?

If not, are you prepared to keep it in your pants?

Oh, right, you’re just the guy. It doesn’t apply to you. But, wait. If all these women start having all these kids, there are going to be a lot of men who are going to have to drum up a lot of cash to raise them. (Married, unmarried, divorced, love-child….)

Why aren’t we as worried about making deadbeat dad’s pay for the kids already here?

When the rhythm method of birth control fails —about the only one left, once you get down to it, if a person exists from the moment of conception—congrats, Dad, on your Valentine baby…oh… it was a one night stand. The condom broke. Right. You are still on the hook, my love.

You won’t be able to clean up your little mistakes without taking your inamorata across state lines.

Because while technically at the moment still legal, in order to obtain a LEGAL MEDICAL PROCEDURE, those SMALL GOVERNMENT people want to FORCE a woman to have an ultrasound. Not the jelly belly kind, no sir. They want to make her have a vaginal ultrasound (A probe inside your body. Talk about intrusive.) Since it isn’t law yet, the details are sketchy, but in Texas the idea was that the doctor not only had to perform the ultrasound, the woman HAD to look at it, and HAD to hear the heart beat and HAD to listen to a speech the doctor MUST read.

And then, you had to go home, and wait at least 24 hours before you can have the legal medical procedure you already had decided you needed.

Oh, and don’t forget, you are on the hook financially for that ultrasound …

This country does not have an official religion, and there is good reason for that. Therefore, making laws dependent upon one set of religious doctrine is detrimental to a bunch of people (and by bunch I don’t mean 6 or 7) who believe differently. It is, in actuality, leaning toward the very thing that people fear in Sharia law. (that RELIGIOUS ideology be the basis of GOVERNMENTAL rule)

No one is forcing anyone to have an abortion. If you don’t want one, don’t have one.  (If you don’t believe in gay marriage, don’t marry someone of the same sex. Easy peasy, isn’t it? ) Easier said when you have access to BC. Why can we force a woman to have a child?  *(Yes, I know, don’t have sex. Give it up for adoption. Being pregnant is a long term, visible, full time job, with many physical implications that can be long reaching and life threatening).

Ways to prevent abortions include SEX ED. Real, honest information. Whether or not you think your kid needs to know the how and why, your kid NEEDS to know the how and why! And they need to learn about it years before you THINK they need to learn about it. And they need to hear it from positions of authority, NOT from their friends or some TV show.

And access to  birth control.

It’s really that simple.

Rachel Maddow Show

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640